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A Witchling's Guide to the Retrograde From Hell

Just kidding—saying it's from hell is probably bad karma, not to mention a little dramatic. But, all in all, it's no secret that 1) Mercury is in retrograde right now, and 2) this one's a doozy.

As we covered back in May (Holy Retrograde!), the reason this one is so crazy is because, in actuality, there are five planers in backspin mode.

You read correctly. Five. We might've since forgotten, but Jupiter, Pluto, and Saturn have been in retrograde since before summer started, and won't spin direct until early Autumn.

Speaking of drama, leave it to this month's Mercury retrograde to turn up the theatrics and melodrama. Spanning from July 7th to August 1st, Mercury takes a long journey from it's position in Cancer over to Leo, then back from Leo to Cancer once more.

Confusing? Let us explain in Muggle terms. The planet Mercury reigns over all communication skills. Cancer is a careful, mute planet; it enhances our most guarded selves, making us almost secretive and wary to communicate. On the opposite side of the spectrum, we have Leo—fiery, vivacious Leo, who loves drama and making everything from her triumphs to her grievances known to the world and anyone who'll listen. So, if you've been wondering who stole the heck your internal mood and moderator, leaving your emotions heightened and unstable... It was Mercury, yet again.

But wait–there's more. The comet Chiron, whose trajectory is scattered and erratic to begin with, is also in retrograde. In Greek mythology, Chiron was the "Wounded Healer," who was an expert at healing others but ironically could not seem to heal himself. Chiron in backspin forces us into deep personal healing, but through digging up the past, painful pieces and all.

With five celestial events going on, there's no way out of this one. On the bright side, this is the time to really optimize our self care skills.

Keep all negativity out of your mouth. It's going to be near impossible to keep a steady head this month, and our thoughts might be wrought with worry or regret. However, we can fake it till we make it; try not to gossip or speak ill of anyone in your circle. Hand out compliments like free candy and gas your friends up. If misery loves company, the same might be true for positivity.

Eat well. Balance your diet with good proteins, veggies, and carbs. Try to stay away from empty calories, but do treat yourself to something sweet as a mood booster—just be careful of going overboard and making yourself sick, which won't help your mood either. Stay away from caffeine the best you can, which can trigger mild anxiety or cause a depressive mood after you come down from the caffeine rush. Try to eat a lot of naturally-occurring red foods, which enhance your Root Chakra, or Muladhara. Tomatoes, strawberries, red peppers, pomegranates, cherries, apples, beets, red wine, the possibilities are endless. No, ketchup on fries doesn't count.

Rock your Root Chakra. Your Muladhara is the first or base chakra, the center of energy for your physical and spiritual being. It is located at the base of the spine, and can be cleared of any blockages by doing chakra meditation, practicing gratitude, having sex, walking barefoot on the earth, and spending a relaxing day alone. Clearing your Muladhara will help form a stronger spiritual foundation against any wonky effects of the cosmos.

My most important tip is to give yourself room to feel. There will probably be some hurt and shock with what this season makes you feel at some point. It's okay. This is what retrogrades do—they stretch and tug at our innermost fibers, but it's all to help us grow. The July retrograde encourages us to dig deep, reflect, and reassess what'll be important going forward, and what we can let go of, what no longer serves us. Keep your Black Tourmaline and Rose Quartz near, and sprinkle the corners of your home with dried lavender and sage (or use essential oils in a pinch). Love yourself through it and know that this emotional push and pull is only temporary.

All these stinging truth bombs and miscommunication mishaps aren't the end of the world—it's just the planets passing by to say hello.

There is a bright side to all of this; cosmic energies in early August will unleash all of the blocked creativity that we've been trying so desperately to fix, and even propel us into forward motion once again. Hang in there, nourish your body, and we'll all return to the hustle soon.

Happy Casting,


The Attic Witch

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