LEAKED: Secret Society Interview With Shayne Leighton & Chantal Gadoury

Salutations, Gifted Reader or Sniveling Snoop,

I do hope you're having a grand morning, or evening, depending on your whereabouts—unless, I suppose, you were one of the glamorous proprietors of a successful indie publishing company, abruptly forced to stow away in an abandoned bunker while the halls of your mansion office gets picked apart by detectives... in which case, a simple "good day" should suffice.

In my research, which certainly does not involve visiting their marble and quartz-chiseled headquarters, I happened to stumble upon a file containing what appears to be a recent interview with Yale's elite Skull & Bones Society, as well as a thumb drive—with one, lone video file within.

For your viewing pleasure, here is the transcript and video below:

If you could choose any small animal and make it big, what would it be?

Shayne: A snake—Particularly an Eastern Indigo, because it’s non-venomous, all black, and pretty, so I can ride it into battle.

Chantal: A bird, that way I can hop onto it's back and fly wherever I wanted to. And you know, all Princesses have birds as companions.

If you had a house made of anything, what would it be?

Shayne: I’d have a house made of natural, uncut diamond. Because it’s badass, luxurious, and also impenetrable. It’s the hardest substance on earth, so I’d feel super secure.